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The Bully Whisperer: how I turn bullies into my bitch

True account of my talents at Bully whispering, the calculated art of softening a Bully and making them your bitch.

I’ve seen other bloggers and speakers talk about how to take the bullies power away by ignoring them or trying to turn their insults around on them etc. but usually a Bully will just take this as a challenge and find a different way to destroy you.

My strategy of Bully Whispering is more calculated than that. It involves an elaborate and borderline sociopathic plan of manipulation and betrayal. But the end result is usually a softening of the bully. In some cases I have almost fully cured a Bully and integrated them, so I’m not actually that evil.

Step 1. Freeze out the bully completely.

Pretend he/ she is just a figment of your imagination. It can help to pretend to take notes or smile, perhaps chuckle or nod in a calculating manner. But do not respond at all to acknowledge them. The Bully will be absolutely freaking out inside wondering what is going on in your head and what you are planning.

Step 2. Work on grooming the Bullies gang members.

Use the old War principle “Divide and Conquer”. Get each gang member or yes man on their own and get to know them. Show them how likeable you are. Laugh at their jokes. Praise them. Suggest they possess leadership qualities. Make them feel important, because the bully sees them as low servants. You need to boost up their confidence as they have been bullied into submission.

Step 3. Instigate a mutiny. Now you have lifted the confidence of the gang member it’s time to start a mutiny. A false rumour from the Bully targeted at the most confident groomed member should do it. This will instigate a fight for power to gain leadership of the gang or workplace.

Step 5. Hoping this fight results in the overthrow of the Bully, you now need to be quick to offer support and counselling to the Bully who suddenly has no gang and no friends. You, now, are the former Bully’s only chance at making mends with anyone at all in the school or workplace and this is exactly what you do. You now have control over persuading anyone you choose to accept and forgive the Bully.

You have now have the ultimate power and protection. The Bully will be forever grateful to you (not ever knowing you caused the whole thing). You made the bully your bitch! everyone loves you and your evil plan flew completely under everyone’s radar.

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5 step guide for parents: how to successfully raise a failure

Excessive praise – over rewarding mediocre efforts – not holding kids accountable for their behaviour – always making kids feel comfortable are amoung the best ways to ensure your child will develop no coping skills at all and absolutely fail at life.

Step 1. Give your child praise for everything they do even if it’s not that great.

To ensure your child feels like a failure later when they enter the competitive adult world, just give them constant false praise for things they are just mediocre at. Don’t miss an opportunity for them to get a trophy or a vague certificate (even if you have to fabricate these). There is, of course, no better proof of good parenting than an award!

Step 2. Never disappoint your child.

Kids should never be allowed to feel mildly uncomfortable, or a little bored, or at all disappointed. You should aim to keep your child in a constant state of fabricated success and comfort at all costs.

This will ensure you are creating a very needy human who will always dependent on someone, or something, to keep them in their perfect comfort zone.

Step 3. Make sure you never hold your child accountable for any bad behaviour. If necessary you should research and shop around for a diagnosis to solidify the fact they can’t help it and it’s not your fault.

Your child will thank you for always taking his side without question, and as an adult will always seek your sympathy when other people, or even bad demons, get them into trouble.

Step 4. Never say no, unless it’s to a gluten, dairy, nut or sugar infected snack.

A special diet, for no medical reason, is the best way to get attention and sympathy for you and your child. It is hard to stick to the diets, but when you do cheat it gives you a great excuse for public misbehaviour eg. “See what happens when he eats gluten!!! …..here you go have this toy I said no to buying”.

Step 5. Believe that your teenager is telling the truth.

Believe your teenager is a saint. They have to be! with all the effort you have put into their childhood. You have worked endlessly filling their life with constant praise, endless trophies, the latest i-thingies, and brand name fashions. You put them in the best schools and moved 3 times to avoid those bullies! You worked thousands of hours volunteering for the P and C, and on every committee of every one of his after school activities. You have baked enough gluten – dairy – sugar free “treats” to feed a small but intolerant country for a year. No they wouldn’t lie to someone with such high expectations of them would they!

Well Congratulations! if you completed the 5 steps you have now successfully created a failure. This kid-ult will be dependent on you to fix every problem for him and make him feel perpetually comfortable. But that’s ok because he didn’t really fail, he tried his best. It wasn’t his fault. He was probably trying just as hard as he did when he earned all those lame certificates.

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“Your kid won’t survive high school”: says Public school survivor.

You might be being too nice to your child.

Are you being nice to your child to protect their feelings? Public High School survivor, University Graduate, Mother of 10, and now blogger (Quite-smart-Bogan) says being too nice to your child is damaging to their social-emotional growth and long term mental health. “What kids really need is less generic praise and more point blank reality statements”.

The idea is that this helps children develop self awareness, make informed choices, develop empathy for others, and most of all teach them practical survival skills for life. “I believe that sheltering them to protect their feelings prevents them learning how to deal with challenging personalities, how to treat others, how to take insults from others, and gives them no coping skills” and the Public school survivor goes on to add,

“Through my 20 years experience as a Paediatric Speech Pathologist, I can assure you that evidence from researchers at the Hanen Centre are supporting this idea to use very specific words with children to label thoughts and feelings. This has been shown to support children to develop a “Theory of mind” which essentially is the ability to see/ understand another persons point of view. It is essential for healthy emotional regulation and social skills. Children should have this skill by 4 or 5 but many older children seem to be still struggling later on, even as young adults!. It’s clearly because they were always kept “happy”, “comfortable”, and never “disappointed”, “shocked”, “worried”, or worst of all “bored”.

My guide to parenting is very different. It’s a kind of tough love approach. I don’t tolerate wingeing or over reacting. I use dark humour to show them I’m not attacking them, just teaching them.

For example, my daughter asks me if she should shave her armpit hair. I may feel that unshaved armpits are perfectly acceptable and say “No you don’t have to that, it’s natural”. But why would I do this? and send her off as certain bully-bait.

No, instead, I would certainly say to her “It your choice hun but if you want to make a feminist stance you need to be prepared. You may be called a Wookie, or a cave man, or something else more creative. It will probably form the basis of your new nick name. You will be then known as hairy mary for the rest of your school days. Years later at your school reunion people will still know of you only as Hairy mary. So if you think you can deal with that then don’t worry about it, grow it as long and bushy as you want”.

I thank my upbringing for not being too perfect, or too comfortable, because it gave me a strong, resilient mind and the ability to think on my feet“.

Messing with the office perfectionist just to make work interesting.

Messing with the office perfectionist just to make work interesting.

https://ridetheelephantintheroom.wordpress.com/2019/09/15/messing-with-the-office-perfectionist-just-to-make-work-interesting/
— Read on ridetheelephantintheroom.wordpress.com/2019/09/15/messing-with-the-office-perfectionist-just-to-make-work-interesting/

Messing with the office perfectionist just to make work interesting.

I’m far from perfect and I don’t aim to be. The office perfectionist hates me. I am a constant irritation and I love it. The more they try to be perfect the more I succeed and gain popularity for being imperfect.

I’m so fascinated how much effort the perfectionist puts into being right, and following every letter of the rules. It drives them crazy to see me climb to daily greatness from the pits of my messy desk and tardy attitude.

5 step guide for parents: how to successfully raise a failure

5 step guide for parents: how to successfully raise a failure

https://ridetheelephantintheroom.wordpress.com/2018/12/14/how-to-make-sure-your-child-is-totally-unprepared-for-life/
— Read on ridetheelephantintheroom.wordpress.com/2018/12/14/how-to-make-sure-your-child-is-totally-unprepared-for-life/

NSW schools: please kick this fill a bucket program

NSW Education department please kick this bucket
Can someone explain the Fill a bucket program they are using in NSW schools? From my observation it seems to be aimed at teaching kids how to be fake kind to others. For example, if you hurt someone (bucket dip) you can just repair that insult by giving them a gift or drawing them a picture. The victim is then forced to accept that and be happy about it. How about teaching real empathy, have actual and meaningful consequences other than suspension and maybe teach the impact of actions and reactions of others. I tell you what, if another kid dips my kids bucket my kid has permission to tell or show your kid where to put the bucket and what they can do with their gifts. My kid WILL not be made to take bribes to make something bad disappear! Can we please just teach kids to cope with the full range of feelings, rather than just happy versus crappy. This Bucket filling crap is going straight in my F’ucket and I’m sending this F’ucket to school for my kid to use. It doesn’t need anything in it, it’s already full of confidence, empathy, respect and resilience. All things he learnt at home.

Can someone explain the Fill a bucket program they are using in NSW schools? From my observation it seems to be aimed at teaching kids how to be fake kind to others. For example, if you hurt someone (bucket dip) you can just repair that insult by giving them a gift or drawing them a picture. The victim is then forced to accept that and be happy about it.

How about teaching real empathy, have actual and meaningful consequences other than suspension and maybe teach the impact of actions and reactions of others.

I tell you what, if another kid dips my kids bucket my kid has permission to tell or show your kid where to put the bucket and what they can do with their gifts. My kid WILL not be made to take bribes to make something bad disappear!

Can we please just teach kids to cope with the full range of feelings, rather than just happy versus crappy.

This Bucket filling crap is going straight in my F’ucket and I’m sending this F’ucket to school for my kid to use. It doesn’t need anything in it, it’s already full of confidence, empathy, respect and resilience. All things he learnt at home.